Eeek!

Two masks – wear ‘em. Only have one, you say. Buy another one. But we have two and almost three vaccines. Two require two doses, but the new one, if approved, will require only one dose. Take one of the vaccines as soon as you can even though you are still in line or in line to be in line. As of February 6th, twenty-nine point six million Americans have received at least one dose of the vaccine.

That means they are safer, right? Are we safer?  Have we turned the corner? Is the end of the pandemic on the horizon? Will we return to normal soon? Sanity? No! Eeek is out there, looking for a home.

What pray tell is Eeek? E484K, or “Eeek” to friends and associates is one of three variants we have heard so much about; global travelers from the United Kingdom, South Africa, and Brazil, all searching for a body to infect.

The scientists would say: “Eeek is a mutation within a mutation.” The Eeek mutation changes the virus’s spike protein, which is what vaccines target. Kind of makes you miss the Swine Flu, doesn’t it?

So, we are going to be subjected to more stories about what vaccine works on which variant before or after you have been infected, recovered, become symptomatic or just rolled up your sleeve.

In the meantime, we must remain masked, vigilant, and socially distant. Because of that a new problem has arisen. According to the Washington Post, businesses across the country are charging often undisclosed corona virus related fees. A trip to the beauty salon could result in a five-dollar fee for disinfectant. Extra food and cleaning at a senior living center has cost some residents an additional twelve hundred bucks. Restaurants are adding charges too along with dental facilities, which are some of the worst offenders. What kind of masked man, or woman, would rob a senior citizen to pay for a mask? Where is the Tooth Fairy when you need her?

These fees have been revealed via anecdotal rants on social media. But some of these angry consumers have reported the offenders to their attorneys general. State laws differ on the matter.

To be fair, many of these businesses, dentists too, are facing financial ruin because of the pandemic. Spotted the Tooth Fairy the other day in a Hazmat suit. Equipment is expensive. Restaurants have been hit hard, also. Without customers, there are no tips.

Another report is even scarier. Unruly run-away eyebrows are on the loose. According to a story in the Washington Post many brow salons have been forced to close, leaving millions of eyebrows to grow wild without the advantages of regular waxing, threading, and tinting. Get a pair of tweezers I say.

Not that easy, apparently. The number of hairs that would have to be plucked is countless. Why not count them? We count everything else related to this pandemic. Besides, not looking good or getting away to take care of yourself makes people feel less than their best. In other words, after a year of this, Americans look like s—t and feel like it too.

Obviously, sanity and normality are still quite a way off. All we can do is take a deep breath and put on a mask then a second mask. Drats and double drats. Oh, and grab some tweezers. Get plucked. Fast!

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